MY MARITAL LESSON 1 – by Esther Ebunoluwa


Few Months ago, I went to minister somewhere and on my way to the place, the Holy Spirit asked me to minister His love to some ladies who have deep heartaches and emotionally drained because of the longing for fatherly love.

I mentioned the case and a number of ladies came out. I was shocked. I saw them crying as I was praying for the infilling of the void in their hearts by the Spirit of joy.
This is a very serious matter.
I can relate with their pain.
If they are not settled on this matter before Marriage, it can result to marital frustration.
You can’t use a relationship or your spouse to replace someone else’s role in your life. Being that I didn’t grow up to knowing my father (he died when I was 10), I’d lived my life wishing for a man who would be like a father to me.
# don’t laugh at me o#
The void in my heart pushed me to looking for father in the men around me. I clinched with elderly men in church and our street and turned them to my *Big uncles* I loved the sound of # Dad
I envied my friends who had that cordial father-daughter relationship. At a point in my life, I grew bitter against God for *allowing my dad died at his prime*
I could see all the void in my life, siblings and my mom. We missed my dad. Growing up without enjoying father’s arms of love and all a good dad stands for hurts.
I expected an ideal father to lock all the doors at night, close the windows and the glasses, switch off the light and ensure the security of his household. # Laughs . Have I asked for too much ni?.Winks
When I got married, I had expected all of these and more from my husband, but it became evident I was fixing my husband in my father’s vacuum which I never realised still existed in my heart.
When we got married, I had no problem doing all the needful but with time I got tired of having hubby sleep off in the sitting room while jisting, many nights I ended up being the one closing the doors, checking the windows, put the light off, and help him to the bedroom . Does that sound romantic? It sure does but not for me at that time. Rodfl
Let me confess, I started complaining and grumbling, nagging. sometimes I would deliberately rush to bed before him so that he could do what I believed only “father of the house” should do. #Laughs.
Later, I was forced to discuss my displeasure with him. Following the talk he adjusted for a while but sometimes I still ended up doing all the check ups.
I raised the issue again and We ended up laughing about it and I gave it up.
Frustration is putting your spouse in the vacuum left by your Parent or love ones. I was so blinded to every other thing he was doing for me because of my childhood fantasy.
Now it’s about 5years, it doesn’t matter who does what task in the house.
And of course, why won’t I close the windows when he helps me out with many chores. We have no exclusive list in our house for husband or wife. Hubby helps out with any kind of chores and I don’t even mind polishing shoes and washing the car.
I would tell my husband that he’s not affectionate and empathetic LIKE iya Esther (comparing him with my mum) he would reply that “he is my husband and not my mother” Laughssss
You can safely address issues in your relationship and Marriage but not in the light of comparing your spouse with someone else.
Consciously shift your focus off what your spouse isn’t doing and appreciate them for what they do.
If you are experiencing any void in your heart, please allow the Holy Spirit fill it up thereafter you can address any other issues in your relationship and Marriage.
Marriage is not a filler, there are vacuum only the Holy Spirit can fill. Allow Holy Spirit fill up that vacuum. No spouse can.
” Psalm 27:10(KJV)
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.”

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